Main Genre: Retro, posts, Retro Fiction

1980’s Characters in Fiction…for Reals*

What if someone from the 80’s time-traveled to the present day and discovered the nostalgic mood of our time? How would they compare the 80’s characters we see or write about today to the real thing?

Well, here’s what an 80’s valley girl might say on various 80’s topics and how we can accurately reflect them in today’s stories and movies.

From an 80’s Valley Girl

So like…yeah, I’m totally going to talk about some different things today. Because it’s just not cool to show us 80’s people wrong…so gnarly! I’ll break it down into different categories, so you get us for sure.

80’s vocabulary. Yeah, I guess we do say “like” a lot. And the guys say “dude” a lot — but that’s so typical, you know? I mean, people now seem to say that stuff a lot, too. It’s just, like, we say that stuff more.

80’s fashion. So I heard that several years back, people were, like, totally into 80’s styles again. Rad! But then, I heard, like, there were clothes with a fake second top sewn in (so it looked like you were wearing two tops or whatever).

Not to bag on you, but…no way. When we wear two shirts, we really wear two shirts. When we wear two tank tops, we really wear two. Even if it’s like 100 degrees — I mean, you can wear one, but we don’t wear, like, a fake one.

Plus, you need to wear, like, two pairs of socks and scrunch them together if you’re a girl. Boys, you need to pin your pants at the bottom (they kind of’ll look like your “skinny jeans” today).

There’s different kinds of tops, so you can take your choice. You can be awesome in a “Flashdance” top or a crop top, or something baggy.

Leggings are awesome — and I’m so stoked you guys totally wear them today! But you don’t wear stirrup pants, and we totally do.

Accessories. So like, people need to be able to see your jewelry! I only wear big hoop earrings and other totally huge earrings — even if they pull down my earlobes. Then for bracelets, like wear a whole bunch of jelly bracelets — and then jelly shoes.

For necklaces, we totally wear long bead necklaces, or a short and long one together. Like…Okay, sometimes just a short one.

Oh…And don’t forget the two Swatch watches. Or you can wear more. You have like a whole arm to put stuff on.

80’s hair. This is a BIG one — I mean, like really big. We always have big hair. It takes a hour for me to do my hair, but it’s totally worth it. First, I pull it out with a comb, then hold the comb. Then, like, I take the hairspray and spray it for…like forever. Sometimes, I try to wave my free hand to make it dry faster, but like, does that work? I totally don’t know. But it’s awesome, anyway, because when that’s done and I take out the comb, I just have to tease it a little.

Some people do perm their hair, but they still “wing out” about, like, an inch of hair at their temple and put hairspray to make it stick out, just like I said just now.

Boys have a wave at the front of their hair sometimes, and it looks so awesome. I totally don’t know how they do it!

Colors and patterns. Okay, so this is totally important. For sure wear neon sometimes. Then switch to pastel. Those are the two main color schemes. Plus, lots of patterns. Baggy tops with patterns rule.

Music. And this is so totally important: We have all kinds of music! Like synthesizers rule! But then there’s love ballads and rock ballads that are so rad, and we listen to those over and over. And there’s heavy metal and pop that’s like on the “top 40” lists.

Our music totally rules! There’s just so much you don’t even know what to choose, you know?

Books. Oh…my…God. Another important one! I mean, there’s Choose Your Own Adventure, which like, you can read over and over. Then there’s Sweet Valley High (I totally don’t read those, really, but all my friends do). Oh, and I totally order from Scholastic all the time to get books — there are so many good ones! So yeah, like, half the time, I don’t even know how to choose.

So like, now that you know what it’s really like for us in the 80’s, remember us well when you read stories about our time — and especially when you’re writing about us…for sure!


*Source: Author’s life in the 80’s (if she was alive in the 80’s, or maybe it was just an awesome dream. 😉)